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It can be a meme that tells you to “just change your outlook to be happy.” It can be a friend who repeatedly posts how productive they’re being during lockdown. It can be a comment to “look on the bright side” or “be grateful for what you have.” Toxic positivity can take many forms: It can be a family member who chastises you for expressing frustration instead of listening to why you’re upset. Jaime Zuckerman, a clinical psychologist in Pennsylvania who specializes in, among other things, anxiety disorders and self-esteem. “Toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset or - my pet peeve term - ‘positive vibes,’” explains Dr. In this case, it’s not healthy positivity, it’s toxic. In fact, it can be a force for good that helps motivate you for the future.īut positivity can also become harmful when it’s insincere, forceful, or delegitimizes real feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, or hardship. There’s nothing inherently wrong with positivity.
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No amount of positive thoughts and attempts to “stay upbeat” would change that. Finding a new gig didn’t sound remotely easy, especially when it felt like everyone was looking for a job and nobody was looking to hire. They’re even more awful in the middle of a pandemic, when job loss is at a historical high in this country. I knew I was still in a pretty privileged position.īut that didn’t mean the situation still didn’t suck. And of course, I was grateful for what I did have. No one meant to hurt me with these comments. I shouldn’t dwell on what I had just lost. The undertone was clear: I should be grateful for what I did have. Plus, they reminded me, “It could be worse.” At least I was getting a severance. I’d be back on feet if I just stayed focused, they said. When I was laid off from my staff job a little less than a month ago, many well-meaning friends and family rushed to tell me that I needed to “stay positive.”